Approach

I believe that we have an underlying knowledge about ourselves, that we have a true-self that we are desperately trying to find. I hope to be able to help you through the process of understanding yourself better, so as to find a way to feel more worthwhile and give your life more meaning.

I believe that for many of us our difficulties have arisen out of our earlier trauma. These ‘traumas’ may be large or small, but have often impacted on our past relationships and may continue to impact and bring pain in the present. The way we have learned to deal with life will often continue to be problematic in our adult lives.

I firmly believe that when a person comes to therapy their history and relationship styles have created patterns of behaviour which time and time again baffle us and cause us pain. These patterns almost always have arisen in some way in a relationship where abuse, grief, trauma, and feelings of being misunderstood, bullied, not heard, ignored have impacted on our sense of self. These impacts may be unconscious and may in many cases may have not been intentionally put upon us. Never the less, they are keenly felt and are often distressing.

My first task is to focus on the therapeutic relationship, for it is only when we find some kind of connectedness and trust that we can work well together. This is powerful work as it gradually begins to lift self-esteem and self-worth and allows the true self to emerge little by little.

Over time you will be able to face working on more challenging, underlying issues, recognizing behaviours, expressing feelings and noticing and understanding recurring themes and noticing patterns.

I have a particular interest in how we are affected by the significant people in our lives – family members, partners, friends, work colleagues. I continue to be struck by how the interactions and defenses learned (very often early in life) continue to have far-reaching impact and cause us pain. How we interact and interpret these interactions will often give rise to negative judgements about the self, and problems when relating to others. These behaviours and feelings are often hard to talk about because confusions and doubts continue to cause us pain.

My main mode of practice, the Conversational Model, incorporates the latest findings from research in a wide range of relevant areas, including research about the effectiveness of the Conversational Model itself. This means that I listen, and then use the skills and methods available to me to help you move in the direction that is helpful and healing for you. In order to find a way forward we will examine what it is that prevents you from feeling comfortable in your world, the issues that are undermining your relationships with others, and your relationship with yourself. We will look at your internal scripts, your patterns of behaviour, and your relationship patterns. We will examine what primarily lies behind your thoughts, behaviours and beliefs.

We will move towards those factors that make you feel worthwhile and give your life meaning.